It’s no secret that this current season in the political cycle has divided and strained even the closest of relationships. Have we lost the ability to agree to disagree and still work together to bring hope to our communities? This week, Jeff and Dave discuss how to overcome disagreement and work to maintain healthy friendships.
This week, Jeff and Dave invite Amanda to share her story with us about how she found hope. As she searched for relationships and fun in college, she found profound emptiness. Partying. Lust. It all left her confused.
Contrary to popular belief (ie. culture) the “Friend Zone” is not a good place to be. I tend to disagree. Friendship is essential to a full life. But sometimes friends can be confusing. This week, Jeff and DW sit down with Terra Kay to peel back the layers of relationships in our follow up to last week’s episode on intimacy. We’re looking at Powell’s five levels of communication and relating them to relationships.
Level 5: Small Talk. This is surface communication, like “How are you?” as you pass someone on the street. There’s nothing wrong with it. It helps to break the ice, but if communication remains on this level, it can be frustrating. Authentic intimacy requires greater depth, and tough truths require much greater depth.
Level 4: Factual Conversation. This is when the conversation stays at a head level. It lacks feeling. At this level you might describe all the rational reasons why something is true for you, but not explain why you care so much or how it affects you personally. Again, facts are important in conversation. But including emotions takes communication to a new level.
Level 3: Ideas and Opinions. This is where authenticity and intimacy begin. You start to expose yourself at this level, sharing opinions and hopes that go beyond the factual. Its amazing how much ice is broken at this level, when we really hear each others hopes (and fears) and dreams.
Level 2: Feelings and Emotions. This is where tough truth is expressed, as well as exciting vision. This is when you describe why you feel the way you feel. You describe what is going on inside you, including feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, or happiness.
Level 1: Deep Insight. This is the gold of communication where you bring together facts, opinions, feelings and depth. You speak honestly AND kindly, clear about who you are but not needing others to agree. When you connect at this level with another person, or a group of people, you have really struck the gold of authentic intimacy.
Every person is searching for intimacy. But what is intimacy? Here’s an idea, the next person you see, ask them to define that word. You can reasonably expect the ones who are willing to attempt to answer will say something about sex, generally between a man and a woman. And really, they couldn’t be more wrong. This week, Jeff and Dave welcome back Todd to the show to break down what it means to have intimate relationships.
Todd is an NBI Graduate serving as the Media Specialist at Silver Birch Ranch. He was on the show with us back when we first started. He and his wife, Sarah, will be expecting their first child in July.
This TED Talk is amazing. Robert Waldinger talks about one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies on lifetime happiness. From their website:
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it’s fame and money, you’re not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you’re mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important lessons learned from the study as well as some practical, old-as-the-hills wisdom on how to build a fulfilling, long life.
What’s the big idea?
Intimacy is about developing and growing deep bonds with another person. It is about closeness and familiarity. Members of the same gender can (and should) have intimate relationships. The greater the number of deep bonds we have with people, the more we understand love. However, in a culture where “everything is sexual,” we are not connecting with those around us in a way that is healthy. When we only equate intimacy with sex, we know not the true purpose and meaning of both intimacy and sex.
Deep affection or bonds with a person of the same gender does not change your sexual orientation. At HopeNet 360, we are inclusive of people from all backgrounds, regardless of who they are or how they self-identify. There are no checkboxes to mark if you are gay, straight, transgendered, etc. All of humanity needs hope. All of humanity is despairing because of their inability to perfect themselves, even with the help of other people. Every person is made to bond with God and bond with people. Sexual orientation, as big of a deal as people make it to be today, is actually a really small part of who we are as humans.
[Tweet “”When you don’t acknowledge people’s differences and strengths, it holds everybody back.” -Todd #HNRTB”]
I was taking inventory of the meaningful friendships in my life, and it became clear to me that although I have many male friends, all of these relationships are collegial, superficial, or competitive. […] Herein lies the problem, and I believe it raises two questions. First, why as a society do we equate intimacy and vulnerability with sex? Two, why have we associated strong ties between men as either indicative of homosexuality or propagation of institutionalized patriarchy?
Aristotle referred to Platonic friendships between men as the societal “ideal”. In the 19th century, male friendships were more sentimental and were marked with endearing language that by today’s standards, would be construed as “queer.”
Somewhere along the way, it became more difficult for men to turn to other men for the intimacy we all long for in a meaningful relationship. […] Men now view one another as competitors rather than colleagues.
We are partnering with the Don’t Let Go Campaign in raising awareness about mental health during the month of May. Learn more
Guest info
Mike Jewell is the Founder of Relational Integrity LLC and Co-Founder of Trek Productions LLC, which produced The Trek program. He is also the creator of “The Bridge”. Mike serves on various nonprofit boards with a purpose of seeing lives transformed and relationships healed. He has extensive knowledge and experience in teaching, conflict resolution, personnel management, speaking and has led workshops for churches, married couples, veterans and more.
Whether it is your work, marriage, family or social relationships, there are certain truths that apply to all relationships. But, if we believe a lie instead of the truth, then we have difficulty relating to others, even with the ones we love most. Relational Integrity can assist you in discovering the Truth that sets you free from the lies you unknowingly believe. The Trek program was developed to look back onto the path you walked in life and discover the lies. Then you can exchange the truth for the lie and relationships will improve.
The Trek
The Trekis an online self-discovery video series that educates participants about themselves, their behaviors, and their emotional reactions toward situations and people they encounter every day. This self-discovery curriculum assists adults, parents, spouses, children, and families identify and celebrate the strengths in their lives while providing tools to recognizing and improve those areas where you feel improvement is needed.
The Trek can be used successfully by a wide range of people. Individuals, couples, and families can find answers, while non-profits, schools, youth organizations, governmental agencies and other service programs can serve their community with this curriculum. More info
If I didn’t know any better, it would be easy to believe that the only thing that mattered to Christians this week were some plain red cups.
News flash. Being a Christian is way more than plain red cups.
Our guest tonight is April Strom-Johnson. April has spent the majority of her adult life mentoring young men and women in their musical abilities as well as life. She has an incredible story and shares insight on what it means to love one another.
[Tweet “Love was never intended to have victims. -April Strom-Johnson #HNRTB”]
Penn Jillette is a renowned entertainer and illusionist. He’s also very vocal of his atheistic worldview. However, a few years back, he recorded this video, which has stuck with me through the years. We couldn’t have explained the mission of a Christian any better.
Welcome back, Todd!
Mike Jewell is the Founder of 
